"He was the fastest hedge-runner this town has ever seen!" [Mama Hedgehog] exclaimed as her family enjoyed tea and mealworms in front of a roaring fire. "I hope you all take after him," she said wistfully as she cast a loving eye upon Sonny.

Sonny looked up at the framed photos of his father which stood proudly on the mantel. The firelight cast strange yet comforting shadows on the earthen walls and ceiling of the burrow. All at once, the face in the picture seemed to snuffle and wink.

"Did you see that Mom? Dad winked at me! He's counting on me to be somebody great! Did you see, Mom, did you SEE?" said Sonny, jumping up and down, excitedly.

So begins the Sonic the Hedgehog Bible, an internal document collecting Sega of America's localized history and overall philosophy for the blue mascot character circa 1991, separate from Sonic's very different history in Japan.

"The bible was developed at SOA in-tune with getting the game from SOJ -- there was little to no exposure to the original Japanese fiction at that time," explains Dean Sitton, formerly a game counselor and designer at Sega of America, and the man responsible for giving Doctor Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik his proper name.

Sitton auctioned off the bible along with several other key documents from Sonic's formative years, which were then scanned and posted to fan community Sonic Retro.

The Bible, which went through several drafts, reads amazingly like fan fiction. One version has Sonny "Sonic" Hedgehog growing up in Hardly, Nebraska, where he lives with his family under a hedge beside a burger joint and plays pranks at a local bowling alley. A track coach takes notice of Sonic's speed and convinces him to join Hardly's track team.

Another draft has Sonic learning all his abilities from forest friends, picking up speed from Johnny Lightfoot the rabbit, and developing his Super Sonic Spin Attack with Chirps the chicken.

All of the stories detail Sonic's first meeting with Dr. Ovi Kintobor, who is trying to save the planet by searching for the Grey Emerald to stabilize the evil Chaos Emeralds he's collected. Kintobor initially befriends the hedgehog, helping Sonic train on a supersonic treadmill and lending him a pair of friction-reducing red sneakers.

Sonic's blue quills are explained with the "Advanced Non-Concussive Cobalt Effect" after he manages to run 186 thousand miles per second. There's also a cute explanation for all the computers scattered around the series' stages:

Kintobor installs PCs throughout the six zones of Mobius so that anyone passing by can input information that might lead to discovery of the Gray Emerald. He also has his Amazing Transforming Machine ready to zap the last bit of evil into the Gray Emerald and stabilize the other six Chaos Emeralds.

The Amazing Transforming Machine consists of thousands of gold rings that constantly flow good karma positive energy around the machine's core and cool it down as it transfers evil from one object to another.

Unfortunately, an ATM malfunction zaps Kintobor and a nearby hardboiled egg, turning the scientist evil and flipping his name around. I'm not sure if this is a result of the accident, but apparently he also likes to now eat eggs raw with a dash of tobasco, which I initially read as "raw eggs with tobacco." Either way, it sounds totally gross.