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Saturday, February 28, 2009

COLUMN: Bell, Game, and Candle - 'IGN Reviews Citizen Kane: The Video Game'

['Bell, Game, and Candle' is a regular GameSetWatch-exclusive column by writer Alex Litel, discussing stuff that happens - or doesn't happen - in the game business. This time, he writes a response to Hilary Goldstein's editorial about Resident Evil 5.]

For what it seems like to be eons, the question of “What is the Citizen Kane of video games?” has been wondered by the gaming-journalism-industrial-complex’s proletariat and its bourgeoisie.

Can it be possible that Orson Welles’ seminal 1940 pièce de résistance of cinema of the same name, a film about the rise and fall of a media magnate Charles Foster Kane—played by Welles himself—loosely based off of the life of William Randolph Heart, can be a scenario where gameplay is existent?

One would logically think the best we could be hoping for is a strategy simulation based on the newspaper industry intertwined with the grandiose profoundness of Kojima-style storytelling and romantically lengthy filmic extracts.

When Citizen Kane: The Video Game was announced a year ago by publisher Square-Enix, disgust was essentially universally expressed by my colleagues at IGN, from popcorn fanatics to all out cineastes, at the thought of some third-rate shovelware-producing unknowns like Epicenter Studios.

Who the hell are they to cash in on red herrings and to crap all over a filmic legacy? This was really run-of-the-mill and hackneyed cynical prejudice that every film fan and gamer held, though.

In an idiosyncratic move, Square-Enix also steadfastly refused to show the game prior to the release date—a move that made the game be viewed even more intensely as unnecessary and awful. It is a brand of such a prestige, and they just brush it aside? That goes against every tenet of Marketing & Common Sense 101!

In a way, the story is similar to a real-life Silent Hill, replete with the haunting, proverbial and distorted reality that accurately mimics our worst fears and biggest desires—and how the two can often be intertwined.

It’s Citizen Kane which means it is Oscar-caliber; it is far beyond that, the game tells an fantastically unfantastically epic and multifaceted tale of the United States comparable to Philip Roth’s postmodern masterwork American Pastoral. Loosely based on the film in strict adherence, the game’s original tale will certainly please fans.

Imagine if the ghost of David Lynch besieged your favorite console controller, you would have this game’s intoxicating and naturalistically uninviting control scheme which will frustrate, abhor and cause much rejoicement.

Steel Battalion meets Wii Fit but on your controller and without the hulking plastic peripherals is what the controls could perhaps be described as.

The graphics are nothing short of unfurled visual onasis, an innovative blitzkrieg of beauty that never lets up in a manner bordering on relentless. And the style is indebted to the noir aesthetics of your, which the game renders immaculately.

But it turns out the marketing by anti-marketing, was for the best. Gaming grammar may not quite be the same after the cognizant, cogent gameplay of this game. This game has a little of everything, like Grand Theft Auto IV, but on steroids and far more incredible. The game creates a nonpareil kinetic bond, whether you like or not.

Quite literally but also metaphorically, Citizen Kane: The Video Game is the Citizen Kane of video games—a marvelously applaudable feat that gallantly contorts with the poise and consistence of a second-year community college dance appreciation professor as she stoutheartedly gallops on the morbidly determined divinity to provide a blitzkrieg of introspection into the most tepid slice of Americana.

[Alex Litel can be reached at alexlitel@gmail.com and occasionally found at alexlitel.blogspot.com.]

Comments

What a horribly written article. Put the thesaurus away, Alex.

The horrible quality is intentional - it is supposed to be imitative of IGN's "writing."

I don't get it. On a great many levels.

But I thought Killzone 2 was the Citizen Kane of video games?

Supposed to be? IGN pieces aren't so much poorly written as robotically reasoned and mechanically outlined (here's the graphics, here's the sound, here's the...and so forth).

What you've done here, it seems to me Alex, is parody the NGJ guys, who care more about jacking off in front of their word processors ("the wit! the wit!") than crafting an insightful review.

Anti: I think it is fairly straightforward - far more than most of the other columns. The piece is a fake IGN review of Citizen Kane: The Video Game where the game is praised as if it is the greatest game ever (inspired by Goldstein's infamous GTAIV review where he does that basically). The images are supposed to be of a poor quality that mirrors the text; Epicenter Studios is reference to the first column; and most importantly, I wrote most of this by perusing the laptop I used way back in high school and culling words from assignments and writings. And the synthesis is explained in the intro, it is essentially a mirror as to what IGN is doing for the gaming community.

concrete_d: The column is from the future, of course. A future where such a notion is outmoded.

Jack Handey: I have no clue what you are reading, but all of IGN's prose that I have seen is absolutely awful - and "robotically reasoned and mechanically outlined" is exactly what believe I do in this piece. I've done pieces prior that parody New Games Journalism, and the authorial intent of this piece has absolutely nothing to do with NGJ. I don't like either NGJ or IGN; I don't think either of them insightful. False dichotomy?

Perhaps I'm not smart enough to understand the genius of this piece or something, but taking this much time to cut down IGN just seems like a waste to me.

I really looooove this game !!!!! The marketing developped around is another problem but the game in itself is great !!

I'm not a big fan of IGN, and I appreciate the jab. I think the article here's a little too built up though.

Yeah, I hate that phrase too

Did you misspell Hearst's name on purpose also?

I wince on behalf of IGN; what a harsh rip this is. It's entirely deserved, though. That site is so awful in almost every regard.

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