deutsche_woche.jpg How do you like my graphics? Deutsche Woche = German Week. It is as your “Shark Week” on Discovery Channel but with slightly less blood in the water.

Ah, but wait until I get going!

There is an old story often quoted in blog posts and game reviews that goes, “if a shark stops moving, it dies”. When people ask me, why will there be no more sequels to your hit game Accordion Hero II? I say, because my company, Schadenfreude Interactive is like a shark. Perhaps not in a cunning predatory way, but in the way of that bus Sandra Bullock drove in Speed. The point being, we keep moving on to new things. Also, in the end we will probably all get away safely before the whole thing explodes, which is more than we can say for the employees of Microprose.

accordion_II_poster_sm.jpgYes, we did make a sequel to Accordion Hero. But only one. I am generally against sequels. I have an idea for a new game every fifteen minutes, so why make sequels? Sequels are rarely good. The thought of watching Indiana Jones 2 or Faraway, So Close again fills me with despair.

We definitely enjoyed making Accordion Hero II, and when I say that, I mean it was much less work than the first. Otto, our lead programmer, went off to visit his girlfriend in Canada and was away most of the project. Our intern, Crispin, did much of the programming (I did not even know he knew C++, and apparently neither did he, but this is what internship is all about).

I spent a lot of time playing Zuma and watching amusing cat videos on the YouTube. A cat sings, a cat flushes the commode! Ah, it is to laugh.

Indeed the project was easy, but too many sequels and licensed games (and, yes, cat videos) make your staff lazy and weak. So we can not do any more such music-controller games, although I keep getting email suggesting them: Theremin Hero. Sousaphone Hero. Cowbell Hero. Everyone is trying to make jokes and jump onto the band instrument wagon. But just because you put an instrument in front of a Hero does not mean any good will come of it. Does no one remember the issue of X-Men in which Wolverine was given a marimba?

MACHT SNIKT

We did not choose to make an accordion game because 'accordion" it is a funny word that few of you can spell. We would have made Sackbut Hero if that were the case, and that would have been a disaster. To be as a good game, a controller must be an instrument that involves much physicality. It must play a melody, not just an accompaniment.

It must have an audience and a unique culture around it. It must also not be an instrument played with the mouth, for obvious reasons of hygiene. All these things are had by the guitar and the accordion, but not the cowbell and other such nonsense.

Even if we made Accordion Hero III, what could we possibly add to it? I suppose we could go the Guitar Hero III route and put advertising in the game: Fa Sport deodorant, Bionade, Ritter chocolate bars. Of course then we must, like Guitar Hero III, add dancing strippers, sponsored by Nutella.

I am hungry all of a suddenly.

And make Polka Band? I admire Harmonix for their talent and dedication, and I am sure Rock Band is a fine game. It certainly comes in a very large box! But do you know how much it would cost us to design and manufacture a tuba controller? Let us be realistic. No, as game developers, we must not make sequels but move ever onwards and upwards, like the shark. Well, not upwards, for then the shark would leap out of the water and die, and the shark, we do not want to jump. So let us move ever onwards, like a bus.

And please stop emailing me about Accordion Hero. I have work to do.

-- Karsden