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Guten Morgen, everyone. Look at our two lovely balls down there! I suppose they are a bit big, but they are festive, no?

It is Schwartze Freitag. You must all be back from shopping for your Rock Band and Wii and plasma television and USB Singing, Dancing Billy Bass Elmo Furby. The Christmas season now truly is upon us.

Every company has its holiday traditions. For example, at Electronic Arts, they release the employees from the office on Christmas Day and allow them to play in the front driveway for several hours, which, for some, is the only exposure to sunlight they will get all year.
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Our company Christmas party is held on December 6th, St. Nicholas’ Day. Traditionally, children place their shoes out for St. Nick to fill with candy. The worst child in the house gets no candy, but instead rocks or stones in their shoes.

Here, each employee just leaves their file drawers open, as no one wishes to go home without their shoes on. Last year, Lothar (our art director) received in his drawers a copy of American McGee’s Bad Day L.A. His work has improved greatly this year, perhaps in fear of a copy of Empire Earth III.

Each year the party is much the same. Everyone drinks a lot of Glühwein and dances badly. Bruno brings his wife and also his pet miniature schnauzers. Crispin gets very weepy. Otto will demonstrate his impressive ability to burp the first 30 digits of Pi.

wookiee hugs r best If we had only wookiees, it would be more entertaining than the Star Wars Holiday Special. Every time I see Han Solo hugging a wookiee, it makes me feel the warm inside.

At our Christmas party, we also decorate the office goat (Ziggy). He does not mind! Someone has to take Ziggy home and look after him during Christmas vacation, so we draw straws. Often Ziggy eats the straws, so we have to choose numbers from a hat instead. Three years ago, Ziggy ate the hat as well, so Otto wrote a very complex random number generator.

Oddly enough, in the past three Christmases, Otto never has had to take the goat home.

Last year it snowed on our Christmas party night, and we all went out and made a huge snow sculpture in front of the office. We were quite drunk, and although we intended to make a dragon (inspired by our recent viewing of the Dungeons & Dragons movie recommended by Otto who we will never again ask for movie recommendations), it ended up looking like...a duck.

A very large, lumpy duck. We were all standing there shivering and feeling rather disappointed in ourselves and then we realized: it was the dragon from Adventure.

Truly, it was a Christmas miracle.

duck?

I have enjoyed being the guest editor for you this week. I am glad that some of you found my time here mildly amusing, even though I did not post pictures of a garden gnome dressed as Gordon Freeman or half-naked Polish women playing Halo, as they do over at Kotaku.

But now, I must get back to work. The PC games, they do not make themselves. Unless they are match-three games, in which case they pretty much do.

And so I hand you back into the excellent care of Simon Carless (it seems I had been spelling his name wrong, how embarrassment). All of us at Schadenfreude Interactive are wishing you a good holiday season: may your wookiees be warm, your dragons look like dragons, and may you find nothing bad in your drawers on Christmas morning.

-- Karsden