October 31, 2006 12:04 PM |
It was just one week ago that IGN redefined games journalism yet again by posting pictures of guys opening boxes and taking pictures of things you don't have in an exclusive pictorial of a PlayStation 3 which they very professionally defined as "hardware porn."
The vague descriptive paragraph they used was missing a few commas which we think is also part of this new journalism trend and so to be ahead of the curve we have decided to ditch commas completely for this entire post.
Similarly we just got a package containing stuff that you probably don't have and in this exclusive pictorial we will very slowly and intricately open this nondescript FedEx package containing the moment you have all been drooling for the arrival of the press kit for LimeLife a company that makes cell phone games just for girls! Unlike IGN we will not be making porn jokes because girls are involved and if you're talking about girls and not hardware it is sexist and wrong and will get me fired. Click through for more!
[Click through for more.]
What womanly mysteries lie behind these gaping flaps? No man can say.
Guys we have confirmed folder. I repeat we have confirmed white folder. By this point we felt a warm glow coming from inside and knew that we were mere moments away from attaining nirvana.
The strange cosmic rays coming from inside of the package mutated GameSetWatch editor simonc and now he can stretch his limbs like Mr. Fantastic! It was at this time that we thought the package may actually be some kind of strange mobile phone Pandora's Box but we continued anyway unthwarted in our efforts to bring you this exclusive scoop. I can think of no better way to die than for the sake of games journalism.
Ladies and gentlemen a world exclusive first look at the insides of the LimeLife press kit. This moment will be remembered for all times just like the time that guy landed on the moon or that other time that a guy got shot in the head.
Game Developer features editor Brandon Sheffield was particularly excited by the personal note inside from Double Forte's Barbara Gibson. To be honest I was too but I did a better job of hiding it.
Using his stretchy powers to keep at a safe distance Simon opened the mysterious envelope marked "game" as we all sat back and drooled on ourselves in anticipation.
Suddenly I remembered that it was my package sent to me and that clearly I should get to open it so I pushed Simon to the floor and reached for it myself. As you can see there is a brilliant and holy glow coming from this phone that has absolutely nothing to do with the camera's flash being reflected off of my awesome rhinestone cowboy hat that I stole from a Backbone party.
My heart soared when I saw that the loaner cell phone LimeLife sent was pink because pink is Aerosmith's favorite color and also signifies that this cell phone contains games just for girls!
We continued rifling through all of the contents of the package, finding such surprises as press releases postcards and even a business card! Simon is not wearing a silly hat in this picture which worries me. I will put it on my Christmas list.
We're not usually this messy but I guess we got too excited. Brandon cried a little.
Now this is more like it! Cleanliness is next to godliness and LimeLife for this one brief moment was our god.
Exclusive closeups of the phone in action. Brandon polishes it with the tender maternal instincts that came out of all of us during this photo shoot.
Boy that sure was fun but I don't know how cell phones work so I can't tell you any more. Stay tuned to GameSetWatch for exclusive updates on things that come in the mail that we open!