I'm losing it...[The 'Game Rag Slapdown' is an exclusive bi-weekly Thursday feature written by The Game Rag's Nathan Smart that's always video game related, sometimes funny ha ha, but mostly funny hee hee (and sometimes funny, period). This week, Nathan solves race relations with an ape.]

This week I’ve been playing a lot of Black & White 2. I got the game because I thought it was going to be the sequel to race relations from the Civil Rights Era. I was wrong.

I have been feeling guilty lately because I haven’t interacted much with the opposite color - as much I’d like to - and this game was going to be my ticket out of guilt city.

I opened it up, installed it and instead, was treated to a game where I’m a God trying to choose between helping my people or being mean to them. I was really angry at first because I was thinking how the heck am I going to get over my guilt now? Then, something weird happened. Something that touched my heart. Something that pulled on my teste strings.

I chose the ape character and he was just moseying along gathering grain and pooping on storehouses. This got me kind of angry so I punished him. I don’t want him gathering grain, I just want him to poop on storehouses.

Anyways, an opposing army approached and so I decided to destroy their city. I can’t have armies approaching my town – not even just to walk by. I took my armies and my ape creature and directed them to tear up the enemy’s town. My armies went to task but my ape decided to ignore me and this is where I was touched.

Instead of destroying the town, he decided to gather trees. I watched him gather a tree and I assumed he was going to take it to our storehouse. Instead, he planted the tree in the enemy’s city.

What a perfect metaphor for race relations in our times! Racist people are always getting so angry at black people for approaching them and instead of attacking their towns (like Harlem and Beverly Hills) – wouldn’t it be nice if they planted trees there? Or better yet. Pooped on their storehouses?

I know, I know. I’m living in a dream world. What kind of a utopia am I thinking of where trees are planted and poop is pooped? Well, before you completely think I’m a nutjob, just hear me out.

The next time someone you don’t like does something mean to you, instead of retaliating, why don’t you just look them in the eye, grab a tree and plant it in the nearest piece of property they own? Or look for a shed where they store stuff and just drop out a little poop on it? Wouldn’t that just blow their minds!

It’s a new thing I’ve come up with that I’m calling Poop It Forward and I hope you’ll pass it on.

[Nathan Smart is a fake news writer for The Game Rag and really enjoys the benefits of it (no facts, no research, no real interviews). He also does Bobby McFerrin versions of indie rock songs with his one man group Indie Blockedappella. He thinks things are funny.]