I'm losing it...[The 'Game Rag Slapdown' is an exclusive bi-weekly Thursday feature written by The Game Rag's Nathan Smart that's always video game related, sometimes funny ha ha, but mostly funny hee hee (and sometimes funny, period). This week, Nathan apologizes to G4TV.]

<== Here is what this apology references ==>

Dear G4TV,

I just wanted to take this time to apologize for publishing a series of articles in which one of my writers watches your channel for 24 hours and then talks about what he experienced while watching.

This is truly unacceptable. I know that one of the bullet points of your mission statement is to "get rid of viewers" and with this article we have stopped that with a bullet point proof vest. I have talked with the writer and he is being promptly promoted to Features Editor as punishment for this journalistic crime. He will now have more work than ever and your staff, more than anyone, knows how much it sucks to have to work.

When he first approached me with the idea I said no right away. I had told him that you guys didn't like people watching their shows but he went ahead and did it against my wishes. When I read it, I felt I had to publish it. If anything I thought that maybe it would do your viewers good and turn them away, thus, fulfilling your mission statement.* What I didn't realize is that you don't even want ONE person watching - even for the greater good!

This is why I, Nathan Smart, applaud you. You don't subscribe to the 'mix in a little bit of evil with the good' philosophy and that's commendable. You stick to your guns. You shoot from the hip. You keep it real. You're the man now dog. You are.

So, again, I say, "I'm sorry." I apologize for boosting your ratings by one. I'll be keeping a steady hand over my writer stable from now on. Anyone steps out of line... *SMACK* "You lose all the money you made today!"** Thanks again for voicing your concerns and then deleting them like you never said them. I appreciate the taken back criticism.

*Am I supposed to put a comma after 'thus?'
**That is what I would say to them because I treat my writers like whores.

[Nathan Smart is a fake news writer for The Game Rag and really enjoys the benefits of it (no facts, no research, no real interviews). He also does Bobby McFerrin versions of indie rock songs with his one man group Indie Blockedappella. He thinks things are funny.]