I'm losing it...[The 'Game Rag Slapdown' is an exclusive bi-weekly Thursday feature written by The Game Rag's Nathan Smart that's always video game related, sometimes funny ha ha, but mostly funny hee hee (and sometimes funny, period). In this week's column, Nathan Smart muses on his feature's title and ends up with a new stand-up routine about video games.]

Here we are again with another edition of Game Rag Slapdown. I just want you to know that I did NOT come up with that. Slapdown is ALL Simonc. So, my question is what does that even mean? I’ve come up with a couple of ideas but for the true answer you’ll have to email Simonc to find out (as will I).

To me, slapdown really sounds like a wrestling term. I’m guessing that when you first read that column name, you’re thinking I’m going to be writing about the past, present and future of wrestling games. Well, you’re wrong. Although, from time to time I may delve into the future of wrestling in video games, I will NEVER* talk about the present or past of them. I don’t believe in the present and I certainly don’t believe in a history of things. The future is where my thinking lies** and so I’ll only be writing about what will happen in the future. For instance, did you know that in the future you’ll be able to plug your mind into your own head? Yeah!

Another way to look at slapdown is to read it as two separate words: slap and down. Whilst typing this in Microsoft Word, I’ve noticed that slapdown, as one word, doesn’t appear in the dictionary*** and when you look it up the program tells you to separate it. So, let’s try to figure out what the words slap and down mean (and maybe find some synonyms). Doing a quick right-click for slap gives me the word clout and a synonym for clout is influence. Doing the same for down gives me... well... less than desirable results and... so... I’ve decided to quit with this joke. Breaking up the word slapdown has produced no comedy and I’ll just save you from a bad joke.

Hmm...

I’ve decided in the middle of this week’s entry that there is nothing funny to say about the title Slapdown. I’ve also noticed that I haven’t really talked much about video games except referencing wrestling games just to make a stupid Dippin’ Dots joke (see double asterisk below). I think I’m supposed to focus on video games and try to find the humor in them. So, let’s do that then! Here is the best I could come up with for this week. Here are my newest video game jokes:

Have you seen that new Nintendo video game system? What’s the deal with it’s name? Wii? I mean, come on! If I wanted to play with myself, I would do it for free! And what about this new PS3? Can you believe the price? A homeless guy can feed himself for a month, but he can’t play the newest SOCOM? I mean, what is the deal with that? WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH VIDEO GAMES?

And there you have it. If you’re wondering how to read my new routine, think Seinfeld meets Dane Cook and you’ve got it. In fact, that’s going to be my new bio that will go out to comedy clubs:

“If you like relatable observations mixed with yelling and punching then you are going to love the comedy of Nathan Smart. He’s one part Seinfeld, one part Dane Cook - mixed with a little bit of sweetener to charm your mother and a lot of aggression to kick your dad’s face. If you like to laugh and get your stomach punched in, then you’ll want to come out to Nathan’s show. You won’t regret it.”

I’ll be here all week.****

*I repeat, NEVER
**this is why I only eat Dippin’ Dots
***although, I’ve just changed that with a much needed right-click and Add
****my car broke down and I’m waiting for a ride.


[Nathan Smart is a fake news writer for The Game Rag and really enjoys the benefits of it (no facts, no research, no real interviews). He also does Bobby McFerrin versions of indie rock songs with his one man group Indie Blockedappella. He thinks things are funny.]